


i want some cream

by CastelloFlare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward, Flirting, M/M, Oneshot, Shounen ai, Yaoi, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3825886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastelloFlare/pseuds/CastelloFlare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike watches as Levi fails at flirting in a cafe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want some cream

“Okay, have you ever got that feeling where you associate a face on a face but you could not tell whose face exactly, but at the back of your head you know you’ve seen that face somewhere already?” Levi asked.

“I’m not sure I’m following you there,” Mike put his book down and leaned onto the table. Across from him, Levi was silent with his latte was halfway up to his mouth, stuck in midair as he was eyeing some hot blond guy across the café.

Hot Blond Guy was busy reading the daily paper, and he didn’t seem like he was waiting for anyone to come, plus he didn’t have a ring on his finger. The signs yelled ‘single’ but he also looked like the type who would have a lady on his bed at night. His thick eyebrows reminded Levi of something equally big and hairy, but he also reminded himself that dwelling on it in public would be dangerous, even though it is a bit of a turn on.

“Okay, how about this. Think, Harry Potter. Whenever you see him on movies or on television, even though it’s not the movie Harry Potter anymore, the idea that pops into your head is, ‘Hey it’s that dude Harry Potter, whose childhood self I’d have probably wanted to rape’.”

“Err, maybe not the raping part,” Mike said, narrowing his eyes. “So you mean, Daniel Radcliffe?”

“What, who’s that, is he hot?”

“... I think I understand what you mean.”

“Okay,” Levi said. “Then there’s this guy Morgan Freeman. His face is everywhere, and regardless of the movie or show he’s in, when you see him you don’t even know what his name’s supposed to be because your mind has associated his face with the name Morgan Freeman and nothing else.”

“There is some truth there,” Mike nodded in agreement.

“And there are people who are both, you know? Like, Robert Downey Jr., when you see him you be like ‘Hey it’s RDJ’ but then you’re also like ‘Hey that’s Iron Man’.”

“I understand this perspective of association and all, but just what is your point, Levi?”

“Okay, I’ll be straight with you, –”

“No, you’ll never be straight.”

Levi shrugged and grinned at that. “ –that guy who ordered extra black coffee reading the newspaper at my 2 o’clock – don’t you fucking look, Mike – he’s hot, okay, he’s totally oozing with pheromones, but I can’t help thinking I’ve seen him in a porno.”

Mike blinked once. “Well isn’t that what you’ve always wanted to try? I mean, actually sleeping with a porn star?” he said, leaning back on his chair.

Levi finally took a sip of his latte. “I’m not even sure which porno exactly, or which ones, but – oh shit, quick, act natural.”

Mike arched an eyebrow. “He’s looking back isn’t he.”

“Act like we were talking and laugh or something.”

“… We are talking, Levi.”

“… then laugh.”

Mike faked a monotonous laugh and picked up his book.

“How dare you,” Levi shot him daggers through his narrow-slit eyes and slurped loudly. He glared at Mike some more then slowly returned his gaze at 2 o’clock. Hot Blond Guy was gone.

“Oh well. There goes my dream porn fuck.” He sighed, surprised at how really disappointed he felt inside.

“Excuse me…” said a deep voice at his 3 o’clock. Levi turned his head and came face to face with someone’s crotch. Okay, maybe a foot away from someone’s crotch, but it felt like he was wearing some 3D glasses because everything he saw seemed magnified. Then he looked up and felt hot blood rush to his face.

“Uhh, I meant, dream prom—” Just why did he say that, “… duck. There goes my dream prom duck. I so, so wanted a duck. For prom.”

Mike just blinked, but his eyes said ‘you should stop now’. Instead, he said, “Everyone has a dream. Even though I can’t guarantee the duck will like you back, but, rock on.”

Levi glared at him some more but something much more important was at hand. “Sorry, do you need anything, uh, Sir?” Immediately after saying that he felt like someone working at McD*nald’s, and it felt hella awkward. Mike stifled a laugh and it made him feel worse. Maybe he should just go ahead and change his name to Awkwardo.

Hot Blond Guy didn’t seem fazed by his total weirdness and said, “There’s no cream packets left at my table, and I was wondering if you guys could spare some.”

It took four full seconds for Levi to process this. He was distracted with the thought of having this man’s cream on his own face and bare chest, and Mike had to kick him in the leg for him to get back to reality and respond.

“Yeah, sure, you can have some,” Levi said, his eyes still locked on Hot Blond Guy’s cool azure ones, his hand reaching blindly on the table for the said cream packets. Mike sighed and put some into Levi’s open fingers.

“Thanks,” Hot Blond Guy said and slowly walked back to his table. Levi’s eyes followed his ass until he was seated, before turning back to face Mike.

“Shit, I am so uncool,” he whispered, “But he totally talked to me, like, wow. Just, WOW.”

“Levi, —”

“No, don’t get my hopes up, this duck is like the Boss Duck, and I can’t handle this right now.”

“Fine,” Mike said and returned to his book.

“Alright, the suspense is killing me, say it.”

Mike didn’t even look up from his book. “He asked for cream.”

“I want his cream.” Levi said quickly. “Okay, I’ll shut up now.”

“Yeah, calm your tits a while,” Mike said as he placed his book back on the table. “You were the one who said he’d ordered extra black coffee. Don’t you think it’s weird? Why order extra black coffee if you’re going to add some cream anyway?”

“Maybe he just wants a-little-extra black coffee or something?”

“Right,” Mike arched an eyebrow. “Also, while you were busy raping him with fixed eye contact, I glanced at his table and guess what? His cup’s empty. There’s no coffee to add any cream to.”

Levi blinked once, twice. Then he looked back at Hot Blond Guy’s direction. He was back to his news paper, but his blue eyes were set on Levi, and this time, Levi sustained his gaze. The more he stared, the more he thought of every gay porn he’s ever watched. It was maddening.

Not too long after, Hot Blond Guy stood up and slowly walked out of the café.

“Hey Mike? You okay with going back alone?”

“Just be back before 10 tomorrow,” Mike said, returning to his book. “Calculus starts at 10:45.”

“Alright,” Levi said, and he got up and walked, pausing only by the entrance to throw the empty cup of latte inside a trash bin.

Outside, the sky was a mixture of orange, yellow, purple and red. Hot Blond Guy was sitting on the metal railing that separated the sidewalk from the road. The sunset cast shadows on his face, marking his high cheekbones and expertly chiselled jaw line. Levi couldn’t help but grin. The autumn air was cool but he felt surprisingly warm.

HBG stood up and walked towards him. Time felt so excruciatingly slow, and yet suddenly, he was there towering over Levi like the Burj Khalifa.

“Hi. You’ve got a hard-on.”

Painfully aware of the bulge in his pants, Levi swallowed. “Hi, would you mind taking care of that?”

 

 

The next day, Mike woke up to a text from Levi sent at around 2AM.

‘Hey, Mike, you’re probably sleeping already, but anyway, his name’s Erwin Smith, and yes it’s not a porn star’s name, tho it’s a damn sexy hot guy’s name. He’s teaching History at a high school near the university, so I can still see him some more :D AND I really got to taste his cream!! Sorry for giving away too much info LOL’

Another three text messages, sent a few minutes after the first one:

‘Oh, and I finally realized why I think I’ve seen him in gay porn. It’s the eyebrows, man. They’re too damn thick and hairy they remind me of most of the penises I see in porn, you know, before they wax and all. BUT his is way better! Like the boss penis of all penises!!!!’

‘So yeah, I might not be able to walk until like the afternoon? He said I could stay at his place til I feel better :D He has to leave at around 8 for work tho, so he’s sleeping now and I’m taking secret naked pictures LOL but I’m not sharing, sorry not sorry :P’

‘That’s it, see you maybe at around dinner or whatever, I could bring some take out if you want some, just small thanks for the tip today ;D See you when my butt heals LOL’

Mike just grinned to himself and sent an ‘Okay’ before hitting the shower.

**Author's Note:**

> A random oneshot because I finished my thesis. Will probably get back to my other stories in due time. Thanks for clicking this!


End file.
